FEMME ERASURE
OR DAMN , DO SHE KNOW I'M GAY?
the time has come.
streets is hot and by hot I mean it’s summer time, gyrls is fine,
and i somehow am here stuck in my gay ass head.
do i look gay enough?
queer at least? approachable? shit, should I approach?
mind you, it’s not really summer anymore, but it is Atlanta’s Pride month. and while the whole country usually celebrates Pride in the middle of summer in June, THIS saturday and Sunday Pride kicks off here chocolate citay. and i still feel…...like maybe i’m too femme to be seen as gay? i know that sounds trash and colonized as hell, pero like why the fuck is it these ballsy ass niggas that always wanna holla when i’m out, my guy? don’t act like you ain’t been watchin me check out the same gyrls you been checkin for. so maybe i’m just not being seen? maybe the hot femme at the bar sees me with my short ass nails smiling back, but doesnt know exactly how bad i want her pussy in my mouth, like damn. it’s watering, sis. and don’t let this cute high femme mini skirt fool you. i will gladly ride you into next summer.
like, i’m not breaking eye contact sis, whats up?
BUT FOR REAL, I OFTEN ASK MYSELF, AM I OUT HERE LOOKING QUEER ENUFF?
cause whew, let me tell you, femme erasure is real as fuck. and if you dont know, now you know, and ima still break the shit down so you really feel me.
femme erasure is the experience of a person’s feminine expression leading others to make assumptions about their queer identity, or rather, assuming their non queer identity. it can also be defined as the lack of representation or canceling of feminine presenting lesbians or non-binary folx in the media.
oftentimes when i am out, especially when i am out with a LOVER who might present femme as well, cis-hetero men have the audacity to come up and try to engage in such harrassing and vioent ways. from flirting to the “prove it” insult where men literally demand we prove our queerness or validate our love by publicly displaying affection. our society is so obsessed with the assuming femmeness is something to be owned by cis het men. and a lot of the time these insults reflect people’s inability to see and accept loving relationships devoid of cisgender men. there’s always that question, “whose the man in the relationship?” not only is this disgusting, the actions and pestering that often follow is definitely fucking gross.
also, while addressing this, i want to take a moment to recognize my privilege in “appearing straight,” or seeming cis-gendered. while i often find myself being harrassed by straight bum ass men and am constantly trying to prove that my femmeness doesn’t cancel out my queerness, i am able to move through spaces unbothered and unafraid of being made a victim to a hate crime.
as i’ve internalized these same bullshit ass concepts, constructs and ideologies; i find myself tangoing through this decolonization/reprogramming journey with so much anxiety every time i approach another femme. i feel like i end up in my head versus moving my body to even say anything other than hiiiii. i freeze up thinking, is she going to think i’m queer enough for her? do i seem feminine and masculine enuff? she probably like’s studs more…
now i have gotten better over the years, and still i acknowledge i have a ways to go. pero, if my fine ass future femme wife is reading this, this piece is dedicated to you suga, and all the other gay ass femmes out there. i see you, mama. and i hope you see me too.